My Bright Tomorrow
by EmeraldDream
Summary: Harry's Diary - The events correspond with "Haunting Eyes" and "Bittersweet Memory" SLASH - Harry/Snape
1. March 27

Title: My Bright Tomorrow  
  
Author: Emmy  
  
Rating: R  
  
Contents: Slash - Harry/Snape  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, I'm just borrowing them...  
  
Note: This story corresponds with both "Haunting Eyes" and "Bittersweet Memory". It is made up of the first few entries of Harry Potter's diary that was given to him by Sirius Black. There was an introduction with this, I may re-post it later with the introduction, but for now it'll have to wait. It is suggested that you read "Haunting Eyes" and "Bittersweet Memory" first, so that you'll have a better understanding of what Harry's talking about.  
  
March 27, 1997:  
  
I've never actually thought of keeping a diary, but ever since that last Friday I've been thinking about things - my life basically. This feels so awkward. I'm not sure how exactly I should write in a diary, but I suppose it never hurts to try. I guess I feel so uncomfortable with this because of my bad luck with diaries. I have really bad luck with diaries. Sirius has always said that a diary might come in handy. I guess he must've figured that this day would come. The day when Harry Potter, the boy who lived and the boy who defeated Voldemort would need to talk to inanimate objects. Well, it's true, as strange as that sounds. There are just some things that you can't tell anyone else, even your best friends. That's probably why he gave me this for a Christmas present along with all those other gifts he bought. I feel kind of bad about not writing in this until just now. I honestly can't say why I didn't want to write in it right after Voldemort's death. I guess it'd help  
to explain a little, so here I go...  
  
It's been a week since Voldemort's death. So many have died since I started coming to Hogwarts. First was Cedric, then others - Neville, Professor McGonagall, Hagrid, Madam Hooch. I blame myself. I sometimes wonder if they could have survived if things had happened differently. Would Voldemort have stopped if I'd allowed him to kill me? I doubt it, but I still can't help but wonder. All their death's hit me hard, especially Hagrid. I miss him so much. But this isn't the reason I wrote in this diary. The real reason is the last thing I would have expected: Severus Snape.  
  
Snape is our Potions professor and the head of Slytherin house - the house noted for turning out so many dark wizards and witches. Snape has been a lot to me: a horrible teacher who always tries to get me in trouble, a protector, a mystery, a Death Eater, and now maybe something more. Snape really deserves all the credit for killing Voldemort. When it counted most I found that I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill him. Even though he killed my parents and friends, stole my life, and practically made me go through hell. I was too weak. Why? If Snape hadn't been there to protect me, I'd be dead. Voldemort had tried to strangle me when he saw my weakness, he wanted this to be a battle to the death - either me or him. He would have succeeded too if Snape hadn't blasted him of off me. Snape didn't even hesitate, he just did it. He killed Voldemort with the Avara Kadavra curse. I couldn't have done that. Even though I wasn't the one to kill Voldemort, that's still not what's bothering  
me.  
  
It was what happened after Snape killed Voldemort. He had stood over me when he said the curse. I closed my eyes, I didn't want Snape to see me cry. I knew what he'd say...or at least I thought I did. I felt strong arms picking me up, holding me. I opened my eyes and realized that it was Snape. He looked so terribly sad. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but I wanted to comfort him. I don't know what made me do it, but I reached up and caressed his cheek. He didn't even flinch from the touch. Somehow the gap between us closed and I found myself kissing him. The kiss tasted so sweet, I wanted more. When he pulled away I could hear myself whimper `Please' to him. He must have understood. We kissed again.  
  
After that, everything went by so quickly. It was my first time. Both to be kissed and have sex. Our cloaks became bedding and we began to move together. The feel of his bare skin against mine was wonderful. We kissed while our hands felt. If only it could have lasted longer, if only I could know what it was he felt. Even now, a week later, he's given no indication of having any feelings for me at all. I wonder if he meant it or if it was just some urge he had to satisfy and I was the only one available. If that's the case, then I am a fool for thinking he might've cared. But I don't want to think of that, that thought scares me.  
  
Luckily, we were both dressed when Dumbledore, Sirius and Lupin arrived. Sirius was worried about me and I was glad to see he was okay, but I just couldn't keep my mind off of Snape. I was in a sort of daze. I suppose Sirius must've just figured it was because of Voldemort. I'm glad he didn't try to ask me any questions. When Sirius had looked away Snape and I glanced at each other. I couldn't read the look on his face. Dumbledore must have noticed the way I kept looking at Snape because he invited me into his office to talk about it. I wish I wasn't so obvious. He asked me what had happened and I was thankful that he'd left my godfather out of this. I admit I don't know what I was thinking at the moment or how I knew I meant what I said, but I told Dumbledore that I loved Snape. I guess it must have been the sex. Is it possible that this happened without him feeling anything towards me? Dumbledore told me that I must talk to Snape alone, but I'm so unsure... 


	2. March 28

March 28, 1997:  
  
Breakfast now seems less fun without so many friends around. Draco and most of the Slytherins seem to hate me even more now. I can't blame them. I put a lot of their parents in Azkaban. Hermione asked me why Snape keeps staring at me. I felt my face going red and looked down, hoping she wouldn't notice. I don't think I can fool her so I told her I'd explain later. I will, but only after I'm sure of where I stand with Snape. Today's the second to last day of classes and my last chance to talk to Snape. Last night, the graduation ceremony was solemn. I watched Snape's impassive, cold face the entire time. After the ceremony I retreated to an empty room to cry. I know the Weasleys, Hermione, Sirius, and Lupin all searched for me, but I couldn't be happy, not now. I don't know what's going on inside me. I feel hurt and dejected. I think I fell for someone who isn't capable of love. Is there such a thing? Even so, I promised myself I would talk to him tonight after dinner. I have  
to know how he feels. It's very important to me.  
  
Dumbledore asked me to stay as the new flying instructor since Madam Hooch is no longer around. I think he seems a bit optimistic about my situation. I told him I would consider it. Maybe if Snape actually does care I can convince him to let me share his room? Now that's a fun thought. It's almost time for dinner. I feel really foolish saying this, but I might as well. Wish me luck! 


	3. March 29

March 29, 1997:  
  
Today feels so different. I suppose its because of the answer Snape gave me last night. Nothing can ruin my day. Snape does love me, I will be the new flying instructor, and I will share Snape's room. Of course, Sirius has no clue...yet. I think I'll wait another year until I tell him. Of course he'll probably find out before then, but hopefully he won't be too upset. Truthfully, I don't know what I'd do if Snape had told me he didn't love me. I just told Ron and Hermione everything. I think it shocked them more than Voldemort's death, actually. Me and Snape, a couple? It does sound strange at first, but I like it. I'd better get used to calling him Severus now. Ron still seemed shocked when he left, but he managed a smile when he said goodbye. I was glad both took the `as long as it makes you happy' view. I have wonderful friends. Tomorrow morning, while Snape's teaching the last class of the semester, I'll move into his room. 


	4. March 30

March 30, 1997:  
  
Last night was even better than the first. I think I surprised him. That was the whole idea, but I had my doubts about it actually working. Severus wasted no time at all in joining me. Falling asleep in your lover's arms is something amazing. Especially when he holds you close while you sleep. I hope Severus intends to do that more often. I woke up this morning and found myself still in his arms. It felt so nice and warm. I noticed how much different he looks when he's asleep. He was actually smiling. It wasn't some haughty smirk or malicious grin. It was a true smile and the view was breathtaking. It reminded me of the first time I actually saw Sirius smile. Sirius had seemed like a vampire to me until that one moment when he smiled. The life suddenly seemed to flow back into him and he looked like someone else entirely. Severus is much the same. I wonder why he'd never smiled like that before. He looks so handsome when he's smiling. I suddenly find myself wondering how the  
wizard community looks towards same-sex marriages. Maybe I'm just silly. I might even ask him what he thinks... 


End file.
